Tuesday, December 1, 2015

Not Lonely. Just Alone

Ever sit back and ask yourself " Why don't I just let him go?" Ever shake your head at your own damn foolishness and think "Girl, get it together and move along." Have you ever stared in the eyes of the man sitting across from you and thought to yourself " He's not the one. Why am I wasting my time here?" Well if you are anything like me then you've answered yes more than once and for whatever your reason may be you've compromised yourself. And so have I. 

I'm not the luckiest girl when it comes to relationships. In fact I may be the unluckiest. My resume is a collection of egotistical jerks, insecure assholes, manipulative liars, fake busy musicians, and athletes.
From the moment I saw each and every last one of my ex almost lovers I knew deep down that he wasn't shit. Okay maybe that's a bit harsh. Let's just say I knew that he wasn't the kind of man that would blend with the kind of woman I am becoming. And People told me 'bout the flames but I couldn't see through the smoke. ( Ring The Alarm, Beyonce 2006) So if I knew he wasn't for me, then why'd I waste my damn time?

Truth is, if I'm honest with myself, I think that I go into those relationships feeling like I'm in control. Knowing that he was only suppose to be temporary and thinking I'd be fine with that. Going for a quick fix. Telling myself that "It doesn't matter", and "He doesn't matter". When in fact it all mattered. My time is precious and the time I decide to spend with someone matters. So whether I meant to or not, I was investing myself in someone who didn't deserve me. And take it from me, when you invest yourself into any relationship that doesn't equally invest in you...you'll always walk away feeling empty. Feeling like you've lost. Again.

Obviously every experience is a lesson and sometimes we have to retake a few classes but I think I get it now. During my most recent experience I've cried, I've tried, and I've fought for something that wasn't worth it. And yeah he hurt me but I learned a lot along the way. (Beyonce, Me, Myself, and I 2003). I've matured emotionally as a woman. I am more comfortable with being vulnerable. I have a better understanding for who I am emotionally. And I am truly proud of myself.

So for all who can relate, remember that nothing in this world is worth compromising yourself for. There is no man or woman in this world that is more important than your emotional/mental health. Sometimes it sucks being alone but take that time to figure your shit out first. Because the more unnoticed shit you harbor the more unwanted heartbreak and grief you invite into your life. 

"Most people would be surprised to know how much time I spend alone.
Not lonely. Just alone.
With myself."

-Oprah Winfrey 


  1. I recently broke up with a man that I love... but at the time I begin to see things that were not aligning with my dreams and aspirations... I loved him but I loved me more...

    I love that Oprah quote! I really do love being alone... Of course in the future I would love to get married and have kids but I really am enjoying my alone time right now.

    Great post.


    1. Hey! Thanks for reading it. How'd you find me?

      And I've had to walk away from a lot of men I felt I cared for. It's never easy. It's almost always hard to accept that he's just not who you thought he'd be. But knowing your worth gives you the "strength to finally tell that trifling, lying, good for nothing nig, you dont want him no more"- Destinys Child. Free

      Gotta keep Beyonce involved at all times

  2. I'm actually at the point in my life where I am alone , and the feeling of doing for me and only me is amazing. But I don't think I have yet accepted that alone isn't a bad thing. This post definitely Inspired me and has given me the okay to know that alone isn't bad.


    1. Hey Girl,
      First off let me say that I am so grateful to have you read and take the time to comment on my blog. Thank you so much. Secondly, I totally understand. There's a lot of pressure from everywhere to be with someone. (At least that's how I feel)but Being alone isn't bad. There's nothing about being single and alone that makes you less of a woman or incapable of being loved. It takes time to be comfortable being dolo but once you get the hang of it you'll wear it like a badge of honor. So keep it up xo

    2. Right. I'm just hoping it becomes easier sooner than later lol but only time will tell ❤️ Xo