Ever sit back and ask yourself " Why don't I just let him go?" Ever shake your head at your own damn foolishness and think "Girl, get it together and move along." Have you ever stared in the eyes of the man sitting across from you and thought to yourself " He's not the one. Why am I wasting my time here?" Well if you are anything like me then you've answered yes more than once and for whatever your reason may be you've compromised yourself. And so have I.
I'm not the luckiest girl when it comes to relationships. In fact I may be the unluckiest. My resume is a collection of egotistical jerks, insecure assholes, manipulative liars, fake busy musicians, and athletes.From the moment I saw each and every last one of my ex almost lovers I knew deep down that
Truth is, if I'm honest with myself, I think that I go into those relationships feeling like I'm in control. Knowing that he was only suppose to be temporary and thinking I'd be fine with that. Going for a quick fix. Telling myself that "It doesn't matter", and "He doesn't matter". When in fact it all mattered. My time is precious and the time I decide to spend with someone matters. So whether I meant to or not, I was investing myself in someone who didn't deserve me. And take it from me, when you invest yourself into any relationship that doesn't equally invest in you...you'll always walk away feeling empty. Feeling like you've lost. Again.
Obviously every experience is a lesson and sometimes we have to retake a few classes but I think I get it now. During my most recent experience I've cried, I've tried, and I've fought for something that wasn't worth it. And yeah he hurt me but I learned a lot along the way. (Beyonce, Me, Myself, and I 2003). I've matured emotionally as a woman. I am more comfortable with being vulnerable. I have a better understanding for who I am emotionally. And I am truly proud of myself.
So for all who can relate, remember that nothing in this world is worth compromising yourself for. There is no man or woman in this world that is more important than your emotional/mental health. Sometimes it sucks being alone but take that time to figure your shit out first. Because the more unnoticed shit you harbor the more unwanted heartbreak and grief you invite into your life.
"Most people would be surprised to know how much time I spend alone.
Not lonely. Just alone.